DTOP #46: How To Be More Visible As A Quiet Introvert

 Hello, dear friends. Welcome back to another episode of Doing Things On Purpose, the podcast that empowers women to take charge of their time, health, relationships, and money – by doing things on purpose.

I’m your host Suri Stahel, a self-love and self-empowerment coach for heart-centered rebels, moms, and women who serve. This is episode 46.

Self-care check-in

So we’re gonna start as usual, with a self-care tip and check in: How are you doing?

I know a lot of parents are beginning their summer holidays, if you are in the Northern Hemisphere. I will start summer holidays with my kids in a week’s time, so looking forward to that. And I know it’s also a stressful time for a lot of people.

So just be sure to pace yourself, and don’t put any “shoulds” to it.

If you are meant to stay where you are and just enjoy your home, your surroundings, the nature around you… then embrace that, and not worry too much about, “What are we missing out on?”

Another self-care tip that I have for you this summer, is to streamline your inbox.

So I don’t know what’s happening. I sometimes oversubscribe to things that I’m interested in, and suddenly I have a bunch of mail that I have no time reading.

So do yourself a favor if it’s something that you found yourself deleting or not reading over and over again, just unsubscribe. You can always subscribe later when you have enough time.

But for the meantime, just focus on the things that you have time for or the things that you are most interested in in this moment – and honor that there is time for everything.

Being more visible as an introvert

Okay, let’s get started on today’s episode, which I thought could be about being more visible as an introvert. Which I am.

So a lot of you might be surprised to know that I am an introvert, but I’ve learned that a lot of online business owners and entrepreneurs are introverts because, you know, the internet has given us this kind of distance safety – for us to create and be visible in the safety of our own spaces or our own homes.

So it’s really an opportunity that we can leverage in today’s world. Here are my thoughts on how I have cultivated this muscle of being more visible, even though I am quite quiet in real life and an introvert.

1. Attend online gatherings and events

The first thing that I would suggest, which is very easy, and maybe many of you already do it, is to put yourself in more spaces that you want to be in. Maybe you want to offer your services online in a certain way… In webinars or in courses.

So register for those kinds of experiences, attend them and see how it feels like to be a participant, and also imagining yourself being the host.

Again, these can be:

• online gatherings
• online circles
• huge multi-day events

You can find many of these for free, even seminars. Which makes it very easy for you to explore how that looks like… How do people organize these things?

And of course, if you value a certain experience, a certain host or a certain thought leader – then consider paying for their paid programs to experience their spaces in a more immersive way so that you can essentially learn by experiencing a certain type of space.

2. Consider giving back

The second tip I have is to think about participating. When you are on these calls, a lot of people turn off their videos. They don’t raise their hands, they don’t comment.

Instead of thinking of it as being vulnerable by putting your thoughts out there, which can be judged – think about it as doing a service for the host (giving back).

They are providing information, they’re giving their time, and the least that we can do is to give back through our presence, and through our participation – if we think we have something to say.

And honestly, nobody’s going to judge you. It’s just part of the practice:

• to type something
• to raise your hand

And again, if that’s not where you are at the beginning, it could just be through your full presence:

• That means closing down your tabs
• Turning off your phone
• Just focusing fully on the experience, so you can absorb anything that needs to be absorbed. So that you can learn experientially.

And what I also like to think about is the intention of the host.

What are they trying to cultivate by calling together this collective or this gathering, and how can I help support that vision?

Because you know, if you’ve ever been in a circle space, you know that it takes. All the participants or as many participants as possible to create the quality of the space.

• And so how are you contributing to a richer quality of space, a more meaningful space,
• Versus how are you contributing to making that space feel disconnected?

Your voice, your presence – matters.

And when you are, in the future, hosting or being more visible in your own space, you’ll know how valuable participation is. I really think it’s a muscle. A caring muscle that we can cultivate to support each other as we’re showing up, whether as the consumer or the host in spaces.

3. Notice and trust the way your comfort grows

The third thing that I would invite introverts to try is to integrate the experiences that they’ve been in.

So instead of just attending one event or one class or one webinar after another, and then just filling up your calendar with that. Really pay attention to how you are feeling more comfortable in these spaces:

• Maybe you’re feeling more comfortable with a tech. The first zoom call you attended might have been pretty unstable. Maybe you logged in too late, you realized, “Oh, I have to create an account,” or “I forgot the password and I arrived late.” And notice that you are more prepared next time. You know that, “Okay, I will prepare myself maybe 15 minutes before so I can arrive properly.”

So allow each encounter to add more familiarity and comfort to your experience so that you can feel more comfortable as an introvert in these more visible spaces.

Yeah, so that also means, as I said, being able to eventually show up on time to these things.

• Getting more comfortable with turning on your video – whatever that means. That you have a set up behind you or some kind of backdrop that you’re comfortable showing.
• Getting comfortable raising your hand – and knowing how to do that.
• Not putting down your hand before it’s your turn to speak – because you get too nervous. I remember that whenever I raise my hand, I have all these thoughts crossing my mind as I wait my turn in line. I’m always tempted to put down my hand, but there is this trust that you build (over time) – that even if you lose all your thoughts, that the room is there to hold you. It’s okay. You are not gonna die, and whatever you have to say will be enough. It just needs to be honest.

And again, you know, maybe you don’t start from there, but the more times you do it, the more you get used to being in the spotlight… and the more you find your voice through these mini experiences that really are no risk to you.

• And then also that part, where you get more comfortable listening to people without judging them. Without thinking, “Oh, what can I contribute?”

And this is a huge skill because it’s something that you can also translate to your real life.

💎 Noticing when you are in listening mode, and when you are in problem solving or thinking mode.

Those two can’t exist together, although we sometimes don’t realize it. But in therapeutic spaces, and in coaching spaces, you really start to realize that there is a difference between just being present – just being there, open, and available… versus, “Oh, let’s brainstorm this. Let me come up with something clever. Let me see what takeaways I can bring up.”

So getting comfortable with both pieces and seeing what the situation is calling for is a huge skill to learn as you go into these spaces.

4. Pay attention to different spaces, and how they make you feel

And the final piece that I thought of mentioning is also paying attention to how different spaces make you feel.

Usually, depending on what kind of gathering or online meeting you have signed up for, it will feel very different: a business webinar is probably going to look more sleek than a women’s circle.

• Notice how it feels like when somebody is very authoritative or performative, versus spaces that feel cozy and inclusive.

Which space attracts you and makes you feel like: “Oh, I want more of that, and I want to be seen as offering this kind of energy.”

• Noticing webinars that are very polished with fancy slides and beautiful imagery. Beautiful backdrops versus spaces that are very informal: maybe it’s just somebody sitting on the floor or on their sofa, with no lighting.
• Noticing how both of those types of environments give a signal.

It either makes you feel more comfortable, or is it making you feel more judgmental?

Or does it even not really matter? If the content is valuable, and the person is present – does it actually not matter if things look good?

• I have been on many webinars where the presenter has slides full of text and they’re just lost in all of this information they’re trying to present and they’re not present.
• And I’ve been on calls or masterclasses where there are NO slides.

Oftentimes for me, spaces that offer very concise information in bite-sized pieces give more impact than webinars or classes that try to pack in too much – but I’m sure that must vary.

So just notice what that can teach you about how you would like to be more visible if you were holding a space.

• And another thing I’ve noticed is also about the chat function.

The first time I encountered the chat function being disabled or the host mentioning that you shouldn’t go on the chat was in my coaching course. And that was beautiful because all of us could focus on the person speaking and we’re not at the same time, checking messages.

And I know this is not always the case when you are hosting your own webinar, and you want people to interact, but you don’t want them to raise their hands and be on video. It’s a give and take, and there’s always interesting ways that different hosts manage these things.

And as you attend these kinds of spaces, just notice what feels right. Because you don’t have to do it like another person does it, just because you think “that’s” the professional way – but actually, it’s very dysregulating.

Notice if things feel supportive. How things impact you.

So that YOU can be more intentional when YOU call spaces for other people to attend.

Recap

So these are the four things that have helped me personally become more comfortable about being visible as an introvert.

Just to recap, the four things are.

1. Attend more spaces that give you the opportunity to be more visible or to witness other people being visible.
2. Give back and participate whether through your energy or raising your hand, or co-creating that space that is wanting to be created by the host.
3. Allow each of these experiences to build more resilience and comfort for you. More familiarity with the technology, with you raising your hand with you, managing your thoughts and all of those things.
4. Pay special attention to how different types of spaces attract you or repel you, and let that inform how you want to be visible as an introvert.

So I hope this has helped. I hope you can share your stories, if you have other tips that has helped you become more visible, or use your voice as an introvert.

A book that I can recommend for introverts is “Quiet” by Susan Kane, which I love. I will link it in the show notes.

Want to work with me?

💗 If you want get support for me, just go to suristahel.com and you’ll see my services there.

Please don’t forget to like, subscribe, share it with a friend. Have a beautiful summer, and I’ll catch you again next time.

Bye-bye.