DTOP #50: Final Episode & The Art Of Letting Go

Hello, and welcome back everyone to the final episode, episode 50 of Doing Things On Purpose, the podcast that inspires women to take charge of their time, health, relationships and money by doing things on purpose.

I am your host, Suri Stahel, a mom, wife, self-love and self-empowerment coach for women whose calling is to serve.

We are here at the completion.

And I thought, what better way to end this show by talking about the topic of completions and of letting go of things.

I spoke to a client about this and they said, that’s probably a pretty apt, pretty good topic to talk about because a lot of people struggle with letting go of things – including myself.

But before we get into that, I would love to check in with you on how you’re doing. So let’s get to the usual self care or mom check-in.

Self-care check-in

So if you’re sitting somewhere with your feet on the ground, can you call back your attention to yourself or wherever it was scattered, all the things you have to do and just come back in your body, call it back.

And so if I were to ask you:

• How are you really?
• What would you say?
• How are you in your heart?
• How are you in your body?
• And how are you in your mind?

…The thing we use a lot in today’s world.

And in this very busy season: How have you cultivated practices that allow you to hold yourself?

You know, whether through all of the little self-care practices and tips that I’ve shared in this podcast at the beginning of every episode, or something new that you’ve discovered for yourself.

Nature as a support system

For myself, one of the new practices I’ve delved into in the past weeks is going to the forest. I’m kind of in a little valley with two hills on either side. And I’ve gone there many times with my family, but I’ve never gone there alone.

And I had this fear of, you know, a woman going to the forest all alone and exploring. You just imagine all kinds of dangers.

And so that was a goal I wanted to set for myself, because I wanted to be more connected to this land that I’m in, to nature, and I can’t do that in my apartment, you know, in these four walls. And so it was a challenge for myself.

And as I stepped out, I realized it wasn’t so scary, nothing happened. And I’ve really enjoyed the silence and the space and this practice I’ve cultivated to just give myself some time to be held by nature, by the trees.

And I’ve noticed that when I meditate, when I close my eyes, I see the moss, I see the bark, I see the trees, the sky, and they can become tools that I lean on when I’m doing my at home practices, when I’m doing my meditations, when I’m thinking of visualizations.

So I hope I continue in that.

And I hope that you have found something through all of our explorations together at the beginning of each episode.

If you found something that really helped you, that you wanted to explore deeper, to follow that calling for yourself, because you deserve to develop this skill to hold yourself well through this life that always has ups and downs.

Completions and the art of letting go

Okay, and so that brings me to the topic of completions, of letting things go. And so what are the patterns that I tend to see in this? In my self, and in the people I support?

Resistance pattern #1: Our desire for control

It is that we want to feel like we can control things.

(But) control is an illusion. Maybe we’ve heard that statement before. What does that really mean?

I mean, sometimes we can look in our own lives. If you have a partner that you are happily partnered with or married to:

• Could you have planned for the ways that you met?
• Did you have a checklist and then that person met the checklist?
• Did you already plan the right words to say to make that person fall in love with you?

And how would it feel like on the receiving end?

• If that other person had all of those plans and then gave you a script?

It’s kind of a bit strange and made up.

And so there’s a lot of beautiful things, whether it’s relationships, friendships or partnerships, that happen through happenstance that we have no control over.

And it’s just a beautiful discovery that we get to enjoy.

We like the idea that we know what the outcome of something is…

“So if I stick to this job or if I go down this path, if I stick to the thing I’ve learned, I know what to expect. And people can tell me what comes next because they’ve done it too.

A lot of people have gone down this certain path that looks like the template that I’m following. And so that must be the right way for me.”

And if there’s this need for me to change something or to show up in a different way or to shift my direction, that means there’s something wrong with me because everyone else is doing it this way, it seems to me.

And so first of all, letting go of that whole comparison piece, because I think none of us really want to live another person’s life, because first of all, we don’t know their entire life. I mean, we have to think about that.

The person that we might admire, we might see one side of their life, but not others. We’re not aware of their capacities and what their values are. So everything is very “us”-centered when we want to create something that fits us, or it should be.

And so I want to debunk this myth that there is such a thing as certainty.

I think I spoke about this in one of the episodes where we’re trying to support our children, and then we think if they go a certain path, you know, they’re going to be happy, they’re going to have a stable job, they’re going to have a good salary.

And once we’ve grown up a little bit and witnessed that the path that we assumed was a straight line isn’t such a straight line. People pivot all the time and it’s okay.

And oftentimes it’s for the better because every time we pivot, something wasn’t working, right?

So that invitation to close something, to let go of something is just telling you that this, whatever this is, isn’t working right now – and there’s something that needs to shift.

While also knowing that even when I complete something or I close something down to explore a new path, I don’t have the answer to what’s going to be the final outcome.

And I don’t think I want to know because often times, our next experience is a doorway that leads us to the next thing.

You don’t start a business and then hope that once you start that business and start serving people and maybe earning some money, that’s where you want to be the rest of your life. You hope for growth. You don’t know how that looks like.

I mean, we can imagine it’s money, but sometimes it’s creating a new product, it’s creating a new service, it’s having a different way of even doing a certain industry. And so uncertainty is, in a way, our friend and something that is unavoidable.

And I want to say that uncertainty also means limitless. So when we’re certain, we kind of have a fixed picture of how something should look like.

And when we’re uncertain, we are open to all the possibilities, and we are kind of just receiving what is there to be noticed and all the invitations that come our way.

Resistance pattern #2: Trying to avoid discomfort

Another thing I notice is that we resist letting go because we don’t want to feel the discomfort of change. It’s uncomfortable trying on new clothes, showing up in a different way, exploring something we haven’t done before.

It’s uncomfortable trying out a new skill. It’s uncomfortable starting over again. And so it’s easier for us to just stay stuck in a rut.

But instead of avoiding discomfort, my invitation for you and myself is to look at ways of how to expand our capacity to hold discomfort. And it’s not about forcing yourself to do something hard.

Think about if you were your own mom, your own best friend, how would you support yourself, right? Maybe it’s through self-regulation practices.

It’s like when you’re nervous before you get on stage, you can have some tools that help you to get through that nervous energy so you can show up. It’s not about, you know, just shut that thing down and just do what you have to do.

It’s a much more loving, accepting way of just trying to move that energy through. And I think it’s a beautiful practice, even in other parts of our lives, when we’re experiencing discomfort, talking about a difficult topic with someone.

How can we hold that instead of collapsing or running away or freezing? I mean, this is a multi-purpose tool that I hope all of us will learn to cultivate more and more and use it more and more in our lives.

So when we learn how to expand our capacity to be with discomfort, we allow ourselves to grow. We allow ourselves to expand. As we complete something and have that discomfort, we’re also inviting something new.

Maybe we’re inviting a new experience or inviting space for us to deepen in something we’re already doing and we want to spend more time on.

And when limitations show up, when you’re trying to go down a direction and then you feel like, oh, I have energy limitations, I have money limitations. My invitation is to embrace those limitations instead of thinking that they’re holding you back.

You know, just like those nudges to close down things isn’t something bad. Limitations can be very helpful to create a framework for us to work with. So we’re not all loosey goosey.

For instance, I had a plan to record this podcast and I could do it in a certain time frame that I was happy to do, whether it’s December or maybe January.

And then we got a letter from our landlord that he’s going to be renovating one of the apartments in our block next January to March, which is in a month’s time. And Christmas is coming up and then my kids are going to be home during the holidays.

And so there’s going to be less time for me to be able to record this. And so this had to be either done today, or I will likely not find time until maybe a few days before the renovation begins.

So that timeline really allows me to plan the day that I can record or that I just have to do it. But also the limitation can be if I wasn’t able to record today, what would happen, right? Is that the end of the world?

Sometimes we have a picture of how things should look like. And with limitations, we get invited to be more creative with what we thought things should be like. For instance, yeah, if I had to, I could possibly record when my kids were home.

I could possibly go to a room and then not have this background. I could just do an episode in audio. So there’s always a way for us to move, to still go in the general direction that we want to go.

And the more that we resist the limitations, I think we’re just making it harder for ourselves to take action.

Instead, what if we work with the limitations and then try to find creative ways for that to help inform how we are supposed to take action? What if you had less capacity to prepare for something?

What would it look like if you just cultivate a presence? If you didn’t have time to go out in the forest, what would it look like to cultivate something that is doable in your home? And also remembering that limits aren’t forever.

Because I think once we take a little action that is doable, that is small enough that we can accomplish, we are slowly expanding, again expanding our capacity to do something, whatever that activity or skill is.

And later we will have the strength and the resilience to do a bit more, and also the desire to do a bit more.

It’s kind of like when you’re lifting a certain weight, after a while your arm is very strong and then you need a heavier weight because you’re kind of, I don’t feel anything. And so let yourself grow in the pace that feels nourishing for you.

And don’t set yourself such huge goals that are really insurmountable that causes you to freeze.

So if for instance, closing down something or completing something or letting go of something feels too heavy for you, how would it look like to just spend less time on it?

And then, you know, once you do that, eventually you feel like, huh, why am I even spending time on this? I might as well let it go. You’ll be ready when you’re ready.

I think this kind of more loving way to invite yourself to take small actions is such a beautiful tool that we can have and fall back on when we find ourselves feeling stuck.

Whatever small thing you can do is good enough, and that good enough is not going to be forever, you will grow in capacity and be capable of something more next time. Trust in that.

And so I hope this episode has helped you embrace letting go of things that no longer serve you, to create more space, to release that energy, that trapped energy on something new that you’re inviting, or something that you’re wanting to deepen in

for yourself. And I wish you success in your explorations and your projects, myself too, and a beautiful allowance and opening to whatever that is wanting to emerge or deepen in your life.

Keep up to date with my next creation

If you are wanting to follow the next evolution of my work and future podcast, you can always go to https://suristahel.com/50/. And as soon as I know the shape and form of the new show that I’m birthing, it will be right there.

I hope you will join me on the other side, and I wish you a beautiful end of the year season with your families, friends, celebrating or having a cozy, quiet time together. I will catch you again on the other side.